A New render


render

I want to personally thank Jason Kovach for taking the time to write this post. I get the privilege to serve alongside him and love when he shares with transparency and true feelings about his journey and walk with God.

I use to chase the notion that one day I would be what I wanted to be.. I wanted to be a rock star, a poet, a fighter.. Someone that was something.  Something that the world saw as successful..  I went through years wasting away clawing at myself because no matter what I did I never felt I was good enough. I failed at everything.. I failed at music, I stopped writing, and I have  had a lot of injuries just training to fight. I gotta be honest it hurt when I figured it’s not going to happen.. In the midst of all this, the greatest hurt or pain I have ever felt is heart-break. I feel I failed my marriage, I lost loved ones from this earth and then I lost myself at the tail end. I have questioned a lot of things that I have seen but after hearing today’s message at church it made sense of what has been eating at me. I have realized quite a bit lately. I blame so many people for things including myself, but what I failed to realize was I expected things that I cannot expect.  I dream of a day when everyone will wake up and see why we were created and how we are supposed to be. This definitely includes myself. Life is hard. We have to live in this world.  We have to fight temptation and live in a culture were selfishness and success are two very major traits to live by. I claim to be neither.. But I know I can be selfish.  I can be a lot of things and for this reason I wanna fight and pray for God to help me.. Change my render lord. Make me new even though I accepted you as my lord and Savior I need to be washed clean everyday because I wear this suit of flesh that I cannot take off till you take me from it. You can mold me, change me, only you can change my render. This is my fight brothers and sisters and I am thankful for all the people God has changed, and set free. Victory is a promise from God for whoever so choses to believe in him. Keep your faith. Pray, be obedient.. Show love to one another.  God is good all the time. I will continue to stand up after every fall because as long as we can breathe and think and ask for forgiveness, we are still alive and God can fix our lives. Love ya guys.

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