This past week was a challenging one to say the least. There are multiple things going on in my life and I wasn’t able to spiritually brace myself for the storm that hit me. (The problem there is ‘I’ wasn’t able instead of letting Jesus battle for me.) It hit so hard that it caused me to study less, pray less, and even question my walk with God. Not trying to be over dramatic, but it hit pretty hard. I like to be real and transparent and share these things with others because I know that I am not alone. I am not the only one that asks, “why God?” and I am not the only one that feels as if their walls are caving in and the implosion is immanent.
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible”. – Matthew 17:20
So my hand kept reaching in my soul jar brushing along the bottom looking for the seed. Hoping to feel it and hoping to pull it out showing tangible proof that my faith was real and that my faith would move the mountain. But as I was intentionally trying to find some proof or some evidence that my faith was real, I missed completely that going back to God asking and pursuing was my faith in action. I may have closed my Bible for days and shut off the conduit of genuine prayer but I was disciplined to lean forward and seek the Creator for answers. I kept stepping out of the boat each day and following the Spirit’s tug at my heart. I was leaning forward instead of falling back and I didn’t even see it happening.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:5
I didn’t understand but scripture tells us not to; instead trust. By the weekend, my storm began to calm and God began to reveal His plan for me once again. Once I let go of my over reactions and busyness to paddle uncontrollably it allowed me to hear Jesus say, “why are you afraid? you have so little faith“. It was in that instant, that he rebuked the winds and the waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. (Matthew 8:26)